Wise Man Clancy Said...

FINALLY! This is my 1000th post! 

Now, I must celebrate this by telling you of my amazing family.

Firstly, my parents.

My mum and dad are the greatest. 

They love me and I love them, SO much. There isn’t many ways I can describe this to its true effect. I love them, because all they care about is my happiness. That’s it, as long as I am happy, they are happy.

I can’t explain how important these 2 people are to me. They mean the world and more. I love them dearly and will always be grateful for what they have done for me.

My brother Joe is my best friend. 

We have never fought, never had a fight, never been angry at each other, never been those brother’s that didn’t get along. We have always had such great times, and I love him. He is absolutely amazing. Truly one of the greatest guys you could ever meet.

I don’t know what the world would be like without him in it, but I know it wouldn’t be any better. I honestly think he is one of the greatest people there is, and I am not just saying that because he’s my brother. 

I love him and always hope him the best happiness.

His tumblr is: http://stealingsomepicknmix.tumblr.com/

This be my beautiful sister Kirsty.

We never used to get along. I think it was mainly because I was the oldest and she the youngest, and it just felt natural to be hating on each other. But it no longer makes sense.

She is an absolute sweet heart and I adore her to peices. I love everything she stands for and the young lady she has become. I am proud to call her my sister, because she is a wonderful and mature girl who has made me proud.

I love her SO much, and think me and her will be besties forever now. 

Maybe we need to hate, so we could love so much stronger.

My sister’s tumblr is: http://peeaceeandpoutt.tumblr.com/

… and there they are, my family!!

——-

I think all who follow me on tumblr, know me in real life and/or understand anything about anything knows I am gay. 

But what most won’t know, is when I knew I was, how I dealt with it and what my feelings are about it. 

So here I am, talking about my big gay elephants!

Firstly, I first knew I was gay when I was 11. I distinctly remember becoming attracted to guys in my class, to which I only tingled at the thought. Then one fateful afternoon sitting at the computer by myself, home alone, I decided I would adventure on the internet, and search ‘porn’. But before pressing enter, I placed the word ‘gay’ in front of it, and voila!

I knew. I always knew, but it had never been in front of me. The word, and the meaning, and the evidence. I never saw any porn that day, but I did realise something about myself. That I was gay.

However, I knew what kids were like. I was bullied anyways, so I knew at that point in my life, that I was going to have to keep it a secret. I pretty much, at the age of 11, made up my mind to keep it a secret until I was 18, or out of high school, or something along those lines. I was 11, things have gotten a bit blurry since then.

So, I continued with my life. Un-faltered by the idea of keeping a secret like that. I am strong willed, and I had faced bullies and been ridiculed enough, without putting myself in harms way, so I maintained the facade. It was fairly easy for me, I think, which doesn’t mean it wasn’t hard.

It all lead to the day when I was 16, when I was feeling awfully strong feelings towards someone I had known for a while. Who was male. Who was straight. I couldn’t handle it. It was too hard to bare. So I told my friend. Kyrie. I told her, not that I was gay, but rather I had feelings for a guy. I still wasn’t interested in being outed during school, and I was quirky enough to get away with the idea of me falling for someone based on personality over gender. 

But eventually the walls fell down. Everything crumbled into a heap and I found a companion and then I was outed to pretty much everyone I knew. 

I didn’t tell my family.

My family, for some reason, felt hardest of all to tell. I knew they would love me, and I knew they would accept me. But it almost felt like, by telling them, I was making it all real. I wasn’t just some kid with an identity crisis, I was a kid with a definition. 

It happened by accident. I had just turned 18. 2 days after my birthday. I was standing in the dining room with my mum, and half way though a sentence I said, ‘Mum, I’m gay.’

There it was. Out in the open, and she looked at me, stunned and then solemn, and said ‘..and.’

Within that night and the morning after I told the 4 members of my family. All of whom were kind and open.

It was a new feeling and love I had towards my family after that day.

Yes.

I think that isn’t all I have to say on homoamoria and homosexuality, but that is all I want to talk about right now is thats ok.

I’d like to thank anyone that has read all 10 of these things and thank you for following me, all of you!!

This has been by 1000th post.

xx