Wise Man Clancy Said...

So, it’s been a while Kansas, but I’m here again.

So, a lot/nothing/everything has happened since I last began a post. It’s been a strange week and a bit. I duno. Part of me doesn’t register a lot of what’s going on, and then other times I am so focused. It’s odd.

I’m unsure of what’s really going on. Especially inside the heads of the people I love. My eternal dilemma, I can’t read minds. Damn realistic world we live in, give me a monkey in a superhero costume over mine collapses any day.

Love is the fickle reality that we can’t handle life on our own. No, wrong. Love is that soul crushing force that throws two people together. I think.

I don’t know love. I have no idea of love. I am a blind man describing colours. Well, not quite that extreme. I know what love is. I know how it should feel, or how I want it to feel, but alas.

Alas, earwax.

I am at a loss when it comes to actual physical, gut wrenching, heart pounding, spending your last cent on a useless peice of sentimentality, love.

I have never had sparks, magic or fireworks. No parade of dancing foreigners pulsing through my brain. No leap of faith, no death defying act, no gamble, no effort.

I’ve had flings, things and swings. I’ve had quickies, surprises and regrets. Wasted times and bad nights. Worse days and tragic mistakes.

But never, in my 18 years of existance have I felt the brutal push of heartbreak, the gasping stagger of first kisses, the fearful stretch of a quiet nights cuddle, or the jesterly banter of a passionate quarrel.

I am an adrift spark of humanity, without that little part that makes me feel as human as everbody else. I am a nomad of a lonly life.

May my hope and optimism end this drought and begin the floods.

xx